i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize