her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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