Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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