And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
