haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
