Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
