woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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