dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
