So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish i was in the wii world.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
