I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
