Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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