your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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