4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
