You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
