i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
