If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
