You smell like a Billy Joel song
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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