Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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