Having a random hookup so left but love u
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
