i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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