is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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