I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your cock deserves a montage
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
