I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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