everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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