Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
