All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
love makes seman taste better
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
