The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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