glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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