is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
