Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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