Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
