Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
