If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
