The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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