Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
