I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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