as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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