If i could tip my vagina, i would.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
