i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
