do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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