im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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