He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
