I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
