I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
