You can't motorboat a personality
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
