She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
