it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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