wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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