dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
