This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My balls are so social today.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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