I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
