That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
