My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
