I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
