Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
