So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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