i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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