Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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