i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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