after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
