oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
