nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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