he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
