I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
