Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
