so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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