I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
