i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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