I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
