He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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