First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
