Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
