fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
