Everything about him screamed your future.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
