please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
