I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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