I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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