i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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