if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize