Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
