we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
