listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
